When you first get together it’s all sex and talk and sex and talk, and brunches and walks and adventures. Once you get comfortable, you ‘need to impress’ light goes off and you start acting more nonchalant. Of course, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing – being comfortable with the person you’re with is actually a mark of a good relationship and true intimacy. However, there is a fine line between comfort and a rut, and it’s one that is often crossed. Many couples fail to notice that the said line has been crossed, so taking note of the signs is paramount for the survival and thriving of your relationship. The five telltale signs as here, so read on carefully and learn how to fix them so you don’t find yourself calling it quits.
You find yourself getting together at the end of a workday and having the same old conversation every single day. There is nothing new to say, no new or interesting life tidbits to share. This usually happens when two people spend a whole lot of time together, but don’t actually do much aside from chilling on the couch or sitting at a coffee shop. There are numerous ways to rectify this situation. One approach is to spend a chunk of your time with your respective friends, and come back with new stories to share. Another, even better route is to get off the couch and find your adventure time together. Take a short trip, rekindle the conversation passion. Go to parties together, mingle dance, mix things up as a duo. The third course of action – improve yourself. Read an interesting book, listen to podcasts, read the news. Once you gain more knowledge and information you’ll be dying to share your viewpoints and discuss opinions.
You spend more nights staring at your phones before turning to your respective sides and falling asleep. There is no more seduction, no sexy lingerie, no moves. It’s all boiled down to ‘you wanna?’ with the other one responding with an ‘ok’, so you get it done, no fun, no surprises, same positions and autopilot noises every time. Perhaps you even have to schedule sex, like, ok on Wednesday evening we’ll have sex and that should fill the weekly quota. Amazing sex tends to slip out if you don’t make an effort to keep the fire alive. If you’re tired of the same routine, do something about it. Ask your partner about fantasies, tell them your own, and experiment with things you don’t even know if you like. You could include such things as latex lingerie, wake up your kinkier side, engage in some role play – just do something. Set the mood and say, as Marvin Gaye does, ‘let’s get it on’. You know what they say – good sex can’t save a bad relationship, but bad sex can certainly ruin a good one.
All the cute romantic stuff you used to do for each other have now been archived and sitting in an imaginary dusty box. Now, it’s romantic if they don’t eat the last spring roll or leave the toilet seat up. Being comfortable is one thing, but thinking this is romantic is a definite sign of trouble. You need to bring back the spontaneity, show up at the door all dressed up and pretend you’re here to pick up your lovely partner up for a date. Do all the corny and cheesy romantic stuff, because corny works.
How you doin’?
Being attracted by random strangers on the street is completely normal. You’re in a relationship, but you’re not blind. Still, there is a huge difference between casually checking someone out and searching for greener pastures in the back of your mind. If you find yourself increasingly and continuously drawn to other people, and actually engage in flirtatious behavior – trouble is on the horizon. You need to talk to your partner and (not to tell them you’re attracted to other people), but have a candid conversation about the rut and start taking action to spice things up and reconnect.
The meaning is lost
Saying ‘I love you’ is important, surely. But, after a while, saying it ten times a day every day can actually be counter-effective. Wearing out the words can lead to a loss of meaning and before you know it, hearing the words holds no more significance to you than saying ‘what do you want for breakfast’. The best thing to do here is to make an agreement to not say the words for a while, so the original meaning gets, well, reattached. You deserve to feel goosebumps when those words are uttered, so refraining from them for a while may just do the trick.